10 Day Challenge. Day Ten.

Day Ten: One confession

I am effin’ scared. 

I know, life has been really fast for me. That somehow, it was too fast for the people I’ve met. Too slow for the people who started with me. 

I’ll be working from now on. And if I can’t find a job that’s related to my degree. Fuck my life. Those idiots must be proven wrong. I can make it in. I definitely can. I know I can. I just hope life will allow me. I cannot be a bum! That’s what I’m scared of. Right now, the vacation I’m having, I’m not enjoying it. Not at all. Instead of clearing my mind, the thoughts, the pressure, they are just constantly filling up my brain. They are not helping! 

And I hate the feeling of being left out. I thought I have met really great people, but lately I’m feeling spaced away from them. It’s that one incident yet it was a deep cut. A solid deep cut. I wanna make my life in sync with them, but my life isn’t. I’m trying to but my some things just keep on making ways no to be in sync with theirs. I’m so frustrated!

And now, I am fucking old. I counted the years if I continue with the Multimedia, It would be 2015. I’m fucking 25 by then!! What the fuck! What happened?! I don’t know why I am growing yet I am still in the same spot. I envy the youth. I am batch 100’s, if I continue, I’d be in batch 120’s. Fuck my life. 

God, help me. The pressure is getting higher. I am sinking slowly, and fading away. Who is there?! My mom is pressuring me. My dad, I hate him and his opinions don’t matter at all to me, My sister, I don’t know, she messed it up with the applications. My brothers, no help. I am on my own on this. Shit!

I envy some people who don’t have any troubles with these kinds of things. They can pave out in happy thoughts knowing they have their parents, whatever outcome, they support. From anything to everything. Fuck! Parent say I have no right to complain since all of my siblings started as soon as they turned 18. Yeah, I know. But I’m not like them! I’m not that strong. I just laugh at all the things but I tend to overthink. And it’s not helping me right now. What will end up? God, once again, help me with my life. You are the only one I can basically lean on. I got no one who understands me on this levels. Help, help.